How To Help A Friend Through Anxiety Attacks Without Making It Worse
I’ll never forget the first time I saw my friend frozen, breathless, and visibly terrified while we were just waiting in line for coffee. No warning, no trigger I could see—just sudden panic. At first, I honestly didn’t know what was happening. I thought maybe a heart issue or even low blood sugar. It was only after some very raw, honest conversations later that I realized: she was having anxiety attacks, and I was completely unprepared to help. If you’ve ever been in that situation, where someone you care about is spiraling and you’re scrambling to say the right thing or do the right thing, you’re not alone. This guide is exactly what I wish I had then.
Understand What an Anxiety Attack Really Feels Like
Before we even talk about how to help, you’ve got to understand what it actually feels like. An anxiety attack can hit out of nowhere. To the person going through it, it might feel like:
- Their chest is caving in or they can’t breathe
- Their thoughts are racing and spiraling out of control
- The world feels too fast, too loud, or unreal
- They’re dying or something awful is about to happen
From the outside, it may look like they’re zoning out, pacing, hyperventilating, trembling, or even clutching their chest. It’s often confused with a heart attack. This is a common and dangerous misunderstanding.
What You Should Never Say During an Anxiety Attack
Let’s clear this up first: your words matter. A lot. Saying the wrong thing can make the panic worse, even if you mean well. Avoid saying things like:
- “Just calm down.” — Sounds simple, but it’s impossible to do on command during a panic spiral.
- “You’re overreacting.” — This invalidates their very real experience.
- “It’s all in your head.” — Mental doesn’t mean imaginary.
Instead, try to be present. One phrase that helped my friend more than anything was simply, “I’m here with you. You’re safe. Breathe with me.” It created a sense of grounding she later told me was crucial.
Simple, Real Ways You Can Support Them in the Moment
Stay Physically Close—But Respect Boundaries
Don’t touch them unless they’ve told you before that it helps. Some people like their hand held, others find touch overwhelming. I’ve learned to ask, not assume.
Help Them Regulate Their Breathing
One simple technique is the 4-7-8 method: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. But even counting together in a soft voice can help.
This breathing guide offers great techniques they might want to practice outside panic moments.
Use Grounding Techniques
Ask them to tell you five things they see, four things they can touch, three they can hear, two they can smell, and one they can taste. It’s called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and it brings their brain back into the room.
Be Their Calm—Even If You’re Freaking Out Inside
Your energy matters. I’ve learned that simply speaking slowly, softly, and making gentle eye contact can work wonders. I used to panic when she panicked. Now, I try to be the anchor.
What You Can Do After the Attack Passes
Check In Without Pressuring Them to Explain
You can ask: “Do you want to talk about it?” but don’t push if the answer is no. Sometimes, all they want is silence and safety.
Offer Practical Help
Maybe it’s walking them home, getting water, sitting in silence, or helping cancel plans. You don’t have to fix the anxiety. Just help make space for them to recover.
Encourage Long-Term Support—Gently
If these attacks are frequent, they might need professional guidance. A gentle nudge like, “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about this? I can help you look,” can open doors. Consider sharing this anxiety assessment resource that explains how diagnosis can lead to relief—not labels.
Why Knowledge Makes You a Better Friend
Honestly, when I finally took the time to learn about what was happening in her brain and body, everything changed. Anxiety isn’t just stress—it’s a chemical, physiological event. I read this eye-opening article that explained how even things like blood sugar and gut health can trigger attacks.
Pair that with this foundational guide on how anxiety quietly affects daily life, and you start realizing how big a deal this is—even if your friend seems “high functioning.”
Also, if you’re still not clear on the bigger picture, this detailed resource on lifestyle changes that support recovery is a good one to keep on hand.
We don’t always know the right thing to say or do, but showing up—even imperfectly—matters more than we realize.
Recognize the Subtle Signs Before an Anxiety Attack Starts
It took me months before I could notice the signs before my friend had an anxiety attack. Now I can often spot it: she gets quieter, more fidgety, zones out during conversations. You know your friend better than anyone else—those small behavioral shifts? That’s often anxiety quietly building up.
Some early cues can include:
- Sudden withdrawal from group activities
- Becoming uncharacteristically irritable
- Skipping meals or sleep disruptions
- Hyper-fixating on something small or random
It helps to bring it up gently when you notice the build-up. Something like, “Hey, are you okay? Want to step out for a minute?”—not dramatic, just real. This proactive check-in sometimes helps them manage it before it escalates into full-blown panic.
Common Triggers You Might Be Overlooking
We often think triggers have to be dramatic or obvious—like trauma or conflict. But for many, anxiety attacks are sparked by small, even unnoticed, things. And no two people are the same. What overwhelms one person may not faze another.
These are some surprisingly common triggers:
- Too much caffeine or sugar — even just one extra coffee can set off the jitters.
- Overstimulation — crowded spaces, loud noise, chaotic environments.
- Lack of sleep — this is a big one. Sleep-deprivation makes everything more fragile mentally and physically.
- Fear of judgment or embarrassment — especially for people with social anxiety. This hits younger people particularly hard.
If you’re hanging out together, being mindful of the environment can go a long way. I now choose quieter spots when I suggest we meet up. It’s a small gesture, but it shows I care—and she noticed.
Long-Term Ways You Can Truly Be There for Them
Talk About a Plan—When They’re Ready
You don’t need a formal emergency checklist. But it helps to casually ask, “What helps you when that happens? Want me to do anything next time?” Most people are grateful to set expectations ahead of time, especially if they freeze up during attacks.
Offer Tools, Not Advice
I made the mistake once of suggesting books, podcasts, and meditations all at once. Overwhelming. What worked better was just mentioning, “Hey, this article about CBT steps for anxiety looked helpful. No pressure, just thought of you.”
When they’re ready, they’ll explore. You’re not a therapist—you’re a safe space.
Celebrate Their Wins, No Matter How Small
Made it to the event? Slept a full night? Sent that tough email? These are big wins. When my friend shared she went a whole week without a panic episode, I bought her coffee. It’s not about fixing them—it’s about reinforcing their strength. That support adds up.
What to Avoid Even If Your Intentions Are Good
You mean well. I get it—I did too. But here’s where I tripped up and what I’ve learned along the way:
- Trying to “fix” it right away – You’re not there to diagnose or heal. Just listen.
- Pressuring them to socialize or “push through” – That can backfire hard.
- Sharing your own anxiety too soon – Unless they ask, keep the focus on them during an episode.
- Minimizing their fear – Saying “everyone gets nervous” can feel dismissive, even if well-intended.
Instead, validate. Let them feel heard. That’s the most powerful support you can give in that moment.
Support Goes Beyond the Moment
The reality is, helping someone through anxiety attacks isn’t about being heroic during the intense moments. It’s about the small, steady things. It’s asking how they’re doing on a random Tuesday. It’s offering to drive when they’re too overwhelmed. It’s learning—without making it about you.
I found the daily impact of anxiety to be far more consuming than I ever realized. Even things like nutrition and hydration can make a difference. It opened my eyes to how layered and misunderstood this struggle really is.
And if you’re serious about being there in the right way, this foundational guide helped me reframe everything—from emotional support to how anxiety silently shapes behavior and decision-making.
Camellia Wulansari is a dedicated Medical Assistant at a local clinic and a passionate health writer at Healthusias.com. With years of hands-on experience in patient care and a deep interest in preventive medicine, she bridges the gap between clinical knowledge and accessible health information. Camellia specializes in writing about digestive health, chronic conditions like GERD and hypertension, respiratory issues, and autoimmune diseases, aiming to empower readers with practical, easy-to-understand insights. When she’s not assisting patients or writing, you’ll find her enjoying quiet mornings with coffee and a medical journal in hand—or jamming to her favorite metal band, Lamb of God.
