How To Help Someone Having An Anxiety Attack Without Making It Worse

I’ll never forget the first time I sat across from someone spiraling into an anxiety attack. I froze—unsure if I should say something, do something, or just sit there. My mind raced as much as theirs seemed to. If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, knowing *what not to do* can be just as important as knowing *what to do*. This guide is exactly what I wish I had back then—simple, clear, and actually helpful.

Understanding What an Anxiety Attack Really Feels Like

First things first: let’s clear the air on what an anxiety attack is. While the term gets thrown around casually, for someone going through it, it’s anything but. It’s not just “worrying too much.” It can feel like the world is closing in—fast heart rate, shortness of breath, dizziness, chest tightness, or even a full-on sense of impending doom. Some people genuinely believe they’re dying in that moment.

And here’s the kicker: anxiety attacks aren’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, they’re silent battles happening right in front of you, and you’d never know unless you were paying close attention. That’s why it helps to know the signs—*and* know what the person needs from you in those terrifying moments.

What to Say (and Not Say) When Someone’s Spiraling

Start with Presence, Not Pressure

You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need a psychology degree. Sometimes, just sitting beside them and saying, “I’m here. You’re safe. Breathe with me.” is enough. Reassurance without demands helps more than trying to “fix” them.

Avoid These Common Missteps

• “Calm down.” (Sounds like a command—not comforting.)
• “You’re overreacting.” (Invalidates their experience.)
• “Just breathe.” (Too vague, unless you guide them through it.)

Instead, try this:

• “Let’s take a breath together, slowly.”
• “You’re not alone—I’m right here.”
• “It’s okay to feel this way. Let’s ride this out together.”

Trust me, I’ve fumbled this in the past. Once, I tried to talk someone out of their fear with logic, and it only made things worse. Anxiety attacks aren’t rational experiences, so rational arguments usually fall flat. What helps most is grounded, gentle presence.

Simple Grounding Techniques You Can Use Together

The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method

This is a classic for a reason. Gently guide them through their senses:

1. 5 things they can see
2. 4 things they can touch
3. 3 things they can hear
4. 2 things they can smell
5. 1 thing they can taste

It’s simple, powerful, and can shift focus from internal panic to external presence. Use a calm tone—don’t rush it.

Breathing Together (Not Just Saying “Breathe”)

Instead of instructing, model the breath. Try this:

• Inhale slowly for 4 seconds
• Hold for 4 seconds
• Exhale for 6 seconds

Do it with them. Count out loud if needed. This guided rhythm can help stabilize their nervous system without them needing to “figure it out.”

Respecting Their Triggers and Space

Sometimes, people don’t want to be touched or even spoken to. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—it just means their boundaries are different during high-stress moments. I’ve had a friend who, during an anxiety episode, couldn’t handle any noise or physical contact. I learned to ask instead of assume:

“Do you want me to stay with you or give you some space?”

This kind of respect builds trust. And if you’re close with them, consider asking beforehand what’s helpful when they’re anxious. That way, you’re prepared the next time.

When to Consider Professional Help

If someone you care about is experiencing anxiety attacks regularly, it’s worth encouraging them to speak with a mental health professional. Therapy and counseling aren’t just for crisis moments—they’re for prevention, tools, and healing.

There are effective therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that many find helpful. For recurring anxiety episodes, it might even be time to explore treatment plans discussed in our article on diagnosis and professional assessment.

And of course, here’s an in-depth guide on how anxiety can shape everyday life without you noticing. It provides helpful context, especially for supporters trying to understand what’s happening behind the scenes.

Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or even a coworker, your calm, informed presence can make all the difference. And if you’re looking to deepen your understanding of anxiety disorder symptoms and their subtle signs, this guide is a must-read.

Helping Without Burning Yourself Out

Let’s be honest: supporting someone through anxiety isn’t always easy. It’s emotionally intense, especially if it happens often. And while it’s natural to want to be the strong one, ignoring your own limits can quietly wear you down. I’ve been there—giving, giving, giving—until I realized I was running on fumes.

That’s why it matters to *check in with yourself too*. It’s not selfish—it’s sustainable. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and burnout doesn’t help either of you.

Here’s how to support them *without* losing yourself:

• Set gentle boundaries: It’s okay to say, “I care, but I need a moment.”
• Tag-team support: You’re not their only lifeline. Help them build a broader circle.
• Debrief after a tough episode: Talk about what worked—and what didn’t—so you’re not guessing next time.

If you find your own anxiety creeping up from repeated exposure, it might help to explore strategies for navigating emotionally demanding situations. Even if you’re not in a “toxic” space per se, emotional overwhelm can feel eerily similar.

What If You’re Helping From a Distance?

Not everyone can be physically present during an anxiety attack. Maybe you’re on the phone, or messaging from another city. You can still help—it just takes a little creativity.

Remote ways to support someone mid-attack:

• Voice notes: Calm, slow tone. Think: “Breathe with me. You’re okay.”
• Text grounding prompts: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise in simple lines.
• Send them links or audio: Breathing guides, calming music, or a familiar video you both love.

What matters isn’t being a therapist—it’s being a *calm anchor* when their world feels like it’s spinning. You might also find it helpful to point them toward guided help like progressive muscle relaxation or even breathing apps or mindfulness clips you’ve personally used. Sometimes, that shared “Hey, this helped me too” creates powerful trust.

Preparing in Advance: Your Low-Key Anxiety First-Aid Kit

Here’s something that changed the game for me and a close friend: we created a simple, portable “anxiety support kit.” Not a medical-grade solution, but a thoughtful little pouch packed with comfort. Think of it like emotional first aid for when things go sideways.

Ideas to include:

• Noise-canceling earbuds or calming playlists
• Lavender roll-on or scent pouch
• Textured item (smooth stone, soft fabric)
• Written affirmations or a grounding card
• Mini guided breathing or body scan script

You can even write a note reminding them of their strength. It sounds small—but sometimes tiny anchors make a huge difference mid-spiral.

If the person you’re helping struggles often with intense physiological symptoms, this can complement professional treatment approaches like those discussed in this medical treatments guide. The toolkit won’t replace therapy—but it might help bridge the gap when therapy feels far away.

When Anxiety Looks Like Something Else Entirely

Here’s a real concern: sometimes anxiety mimics medical conditions. Racing heart? Could be a panic attack—or something cardiac. Dizziness? Could be anxiety—or low blood pressure. And yeah, chest pain from anxiety feels very real. It’s why so many people end up in ERs thinking it’s a heart attack.

That’s why it’s important to take symptoms seriously if it’s their first experience—or something feels “off.” I always say: when in doubt, rule medical out. After that, you can work with them on managing the anxiety side with care, not fear.

We actually broke this down further here: panic vs. heart attacks—it’s a read worth saving.

Support Looks Different for Everyone—Ask What Works

The best advice? *Ask, don’t assume.* What helped your sister might not help your roommate. What calms your partner might irritate your friend. Ask questions like:

• “What helps you feel safer when anxiety hits?”
• “Is there anything that makes it worse?”
• “Want me to remind you of breathing techniques when it starts?”

This helps you respond instead of react. It keeps your support personalized, not performative. That’s what builds lasting trust—especially for those who feel misunderstood or dismissed by others.

Sometimes, Just Being There Is Enough

You don’t need to be a superhero. Just being calm when they can’t be, grounded when they’re spiraling, and present when they feel alone—that’s more powerful than you think. Your role isn’t to cure. It’s to care. And that alone can change someone’s experience of anxiety.

For more depth, check out this breakdown of therapy and counseling options that genuinely help people build coping tools long-term. Or, dive deeper into the big picture of how anxiety sneaks into daily life with this major article on anxiety’s hidden impact.

And hey—if you’re the one having anxiety attacks yourself, know this: you’re not broken. You’re human. And help isn’t just available—it’s effective.

Camellia Wulansari

Camellia Wulansari is a dedicated Medical Assistant at a local clinic and a passionate health writer at Healthusias.com. With years of hands-on experience in patient care and a deep interest in preventive medicine, she bridges the gap between clinical knowledge and accessible health information. Camellia specializes in writing about digestive health, chronic conditions like GERD and hypertension, respiratory issues, and autoimmune diseases, aiming to empower readers with practical, easy-to-understand insights. When she’s not assisting patients or writing, you’ll find her enjoying quiet mornings with coffee and a medical journal in hand—or jamming to her favorite metal band, Lamb of God.